30 Retarded Things About The Twilight Movie
by Maaya-Neyha
Summary: Title says it all! Just some fun, nothing taken to heart. Please Review!


30 Retarded things about the Twilight Movie

-When Edward first catches Bella's scent, he looks like he had a round of diarrhoea, for which he can't go to the toilet for.

-Throughout the whole lesson, Edward compulsively stares at Bella, looking quite creepy.

-After sitting in the classroom with Bella for an hour, he leaves the class before the bell. How rude can you get?

-Bella goes to the secretary and sees Edward there, trying to rearrange his schedule. He suddenly leaves at realising her presence, and she follows him. Why did she go there in the first place? Stalker.

-When Edward comes back, Bella breathes like she ran a freaking 20 km marathon.

-"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen, and I sound kind of constipated"

-Bella asks to check the mitosis slide which Edward has identified, only to get burned.

-"Did you get contacts?" Edward uncharacteristically stutters and walks away. Wtf? Make up an excuse, you're a bloody vampire!

-Edward asks about Bella's theories on his existence only to get a hyperventilating retardedly directed "Kryptonite and radioactive spiders"

-Jacob's nose is like a bollard

-Bella's nose is like two inflated balloons

-Edward's nose points downwards.

-Carlisle, being super hot, has a nose so sharp, that there's no need to use a knife at TGI Friday's

-Carlisle, also happens to be wearing a scarf in every scene except one. [But he looks hot, yeah?]

-While Jasper looks super hot twirling a baseball bat, Rosalie in the background tries to copy him, failing miserably, and looking very stupid.

-What's with Bella holding a cactus?

-When Bella gets bitten by James, she looks like she's in labour. Completely.

-Edward looks weird sucking her arm. Don't know why though…

-Carlisle is unfortunately very ineffective in stopping Edward from sucking Bella dry. He is just _so _compassionate about other people's feelings, that he can't even slap Edward for trying to kill the love of his existence, because it might hurt his feelings.

-Bella knows how strong and indestructible vampires are, yet she holds onto the pepper spray as if it's some new way to kill them off.

-Why the hell is Laurent black? What happened to "Pale white?"

-Didn't see Tyler being black…

-Isn't Angela supposed to have blonde hair?

-Where the hell is Ben Cheney?

-Eric the _Asian _is simply used for humour. How stereotypical.

-Lying down in the meadows is totally the logical thing to do, while flunking school.

-So a sadistic vampire is about to kill Bella, but all she can do is stare at a pissed Edward. No need to register that someone's about to kill you, keep ogling.

-When Edward tells Bella that he will introduce her to his family, he drives home but not before spotting Billy Black, when they both slow their cars down, just to have a nice long glarefest.

-Bella is seen on numerous occasions talking to Renee on her mobile phone, but when she is stalked by a bunch of perverts, she does not use her common sense to call 999 or 911; instead she simply _waits _for Edward to come along and save her. In the book, we know she has no mobile phone so it makes sense.

-The waitress was so creepy that _nobody_ would want 'her to get them anything'.

-Just before Tyler dumbass crashes his car into Bella, Edward _seems _to be staring at Bella. Looks more like he's giving her a great view of his forehead.

**P.S People, I love the movie, and I love all the characters, well except Kristen, but still. So don't take this to heart and please don't be offended. No racist remarks intended, but if so, please forgive me!**

**REVIEW**!!

**Your Comments:**

-Bella walks into Bio, and Edward is fine... until the fan blows her scent in his direction.  
Rosalie says she can smell Bella from across the field when they play softball...  
So why is it, despite his super fantabulous TRACKING skills, which obviously mean MUCH more heightened smell senses, James doesn't notice she's a human until there's a sudden gust of wind? I mean.

-The effects are so bad.

-What's with all the twinkling sound effects when Edward is in the sun?

-Edward casually walks around the school wearing sunglasses, his arm around Bella. Perfect, right? Wrong. They are walking in the freaking SUNLIGHT!

-Edward: "You really shouldn't have said that." And then she randomly decides to jump on his back and then he flies out the window. WTF?

-Edward lovingly caresses Bella's arm, and then suddenly he goes crazy and rips a tree out of the ground.

-Jasper's hair looks like a freaking dead animal.

-The tralier is just a string of them saying really cheesy, unconvinxing lines-in bad acting

-When Edward was in the science lab, he was sitting in front of a stuffed owl, so he had wings! And when Edward and Bella went outside to dance at the end, all the other couples left!

-Billy Black can drive a car but he needs a wheelchair?

-Bella randomly throws her schoolbag onto the sides and then completely forgets about it later.

-WTF is with Emmett's lunch - there's a pack of eggs?!

-Bella has her mouth open 99% of the time - very attractive.

-Edward's wearing sunglasses and the SUN is out. Where's all the sparkling now?

**Forgive the two flaws, one with Angela's hair and the black Laurent, which frankly is still weird. **

**Anymore? Then let me know and I shall post them for you! Thanks for the reviews guys!**


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